As 2020 comes to a close (thank goodness), many of us will reflect on the suffering and loss we’ve endured. Some will have lost loved ones; others will not be able to gather together. Still, others will poignantly feel the missed milestones of the year. Both metaphorically and actually, most of us will feel the empty seat at our holiday table.

When the holidays bring up these feelings of grief, memories of what was, and images of what might’ve been, don’t chase them away. Allow the grief to wash over you, and remember grief is a form of honoring. The depth of our grief is often in direct proportion to the depth of our love. Fill the empty place in your heart by making meaning. Lean into the grief with grace by finding ways to turn your pain into a way to help another, by creating a new tradition, or by celebrating what you still have before you.

Here are some tips to help you survive and thrive this holiday season:

1. Ease expectations: let go of the picture-perfect holiday; the discrepancy between our lofty expectations and reality often causes unnecessary suffering.

2. Set an intention: what do you want to do and how do you want to be this holiday season? Write your intention down and place the note somewhere to remind yourself of it often.

3. Less materialism, more meaning making: the frenetic buying that often occurs during this time of year rarely leads to deep gratification – for either the buyer or the receiver. Focus instead on making memories and serving others. Being present to what is most meaningful will bring the most joy.

4. Set boundaries: It’s okay to set limits on the number of holiday engagements you partake in. Reflect on what you will remember most 10 years from now.

5. Create a plan for family conflicts: When possible, set aside grievances and practice forgiveness. Anticipate possible family tension and create a coping plan. Ask yourself, “what would a calm person do in this situation?”

6. Rest and renew: Relish in the specialness of the season while not losing sight of the wellness practices that help us all year long: sleep, exercise, and moderation in food and beverage choices.